Been a while - Hello all.

Its been a long while since I last posted anything here about how I am getting on, and there has been a few updates, I have complete the three weeks intensive therapy course at Addenbrookes Hospital for my back pain, this included lots of talking and chats with various people to do with the medication, moods, therapies, relaxation, hydrotherapy and Gym work.

I loved the relaxation therapy, we did this everyday for 30 minutes, although the pain eased, it never disappeared, the soft music and the talking about relaxation worked quite well, and I try and do this whenever i can, but it is not as easy to do it at home as it is in a hospital environment, but when i can manage it, i get a lot from it, the next thing is the Gym work.

When I finished the three week course I was determined to carry on with a number of the main teaching points, one was the Gym, and as there is a course organised by the NHS and the local authorities so we can carry on at a reduced rate, we all know how Gyms normally charge, I spent two weeks trying to get hold of someone who can give me more info.

I asked on line on their Facebook pages, emailed and left call messages, and NO ONE bothered to get back to me, I kept getting comments on the FB page that someone will definitely call me the next day, but those many days came and went, in the end i eventually got an email from the Gym companies regional manager apologising on behalf of the gym and assured me that someone would contact me the following day,

Four days later, I emailed the Regional woman back and said again i have no communication so she phoned them and they got back to me within the hour, and what did they say, nothing, bugger all, they just said that I was to contact the local authority to get the info and book it, (it never said that in the paperwork) so I did, I spoke to a nice young lady there who had no idea what I was on about, after a bit of faffing about, she got something up on her computer and started to read out what was on there.

Needless to say and what a totally surprise (input sarcastic voice here) she said that I need to contact the Gym to get further info, so back I went again, and was told that I needed to book an assessment session, this I did, why they did not just say that in the first place I will never know, so, a date was set and it is just waiting, then last Saturday morning I got a call from the Gym cancelling my assessment, and pushing it back to September, I was really hacked off by now, and I think she knew this when i was a but sharp with her.

I was then telling my family it had been cancelled and when the new date was, that she called back to say that she can fit me in a week sooner, mmmmmmm, so, now a date is set, I just hope that this one wont be cancelled, but I will be making a point of saying how rubbish the system is at my one month check up at the Hospital.

The 2nd of three things I took from the course was the Hydrotherapy, I knew it would be a hot swimming pool, but had no idea how good it actually is, well chuffed, and I found that there is a hydro pool just two miles from my house, and i have been going there and doing my exercises and it helps for about an hour or so after I have been in before the aches and creaking come back, I will carry on doing my hydro for the foreseeable future.

the third thing is the exercises we would do a number of times during the day at the course, I have taken to them and do them at home at least once a day, and keep a track of when I do them and when I go to the Hydro pool, so when I go for my check ups they can see what and when i have been doing things.

So, how has my moods been during all this, well the first two weeks of the course were great and I was on a real high, I had not felt this happy for such a long time, everyone noticed it, it was great, then, on the Monday of the last week, we had to see the consultant, tosser, sorry but he is, and the first thing he said to me was that he wanted me off ALL my medication within the next few weeks.

This alone took me from my major high back down to feeling so rubbish and useless, that my negative thoughts came back with a bang, and I did wonder why I bothered with things, and finish it, this idiot had not ever read my notes, he had no idea that i was suffering from Depression and Anxiety until he asked about why I was on a particular medication, he had no idea that i have arthritis in both shoulders, hips and jaw, and I need my anti inflammatory to keep the swelling down, he knew nothing.

In fact the other three people on my course all complained about him and his attitude, again the drastic change in my moods was noticed again by everyone and i was asked about it at the hospital and i told them why, and they tried to fob it off and make out it was me just taking it the wrong way, so that helped, thank you very much, its a case of "how to make you feel worse without really trying", and these moods and anxiety as continued till today, and that's about a month now, and I still feel rubbish, low and insignificant.

I cant see anyway out of it at the moment, no matter what I try, we, my partner and I, do things at the weekends to try to take my mind of these thoughts and anxieties, it works for a very short while, but then I am home and it hits me again, I have the ATOS company going through my application for disability, and for those who don't know, they are an awful French company that has taken control of the benefits claimants in the UK.

They are passing teh decisions back to teh Government stating that people can work that are clearly not capable of working, it has hit the national press and there has been talks about them at the highest places in government to try and sort the problem, but that does not help me, I worry, and I always have, but that with the depression and anxiety really kick me hard, and the waiting, I can stand it, I want to know one way or the other, and to get it out the way, so i can concentrate on getting better.

Anyway, I have written enough now to bore everyone stupid, thanks for reading, this does help me a great deal to put things down on paper, so to speak, and unburden myself, i just hope I have not made you as depressed as me after reading this.

Can it get any worse, yes it can.

Back in 2011 when my back was really painful and I first went off sick, I was not To know what would happen over the next two years as time went on and things became more painful and more doctors visits more hospital visits more specialist visits and more pain and I just thought there would never be an end to all the pain that I was in.

It was while I was having tests and scans for my back pain that they found I had arthritis in both my hips with the left one slightly worse than the right, I was knocked by this as I had no idea at all that I was suffering from any sort of pain in the hips mainly because my painkillers would cover this up, but now the pain killers do not cover the pain.

As time progressed I started gaining pain in my jaw when my mouth would fail to open fully and it would click and snap, again after tests they find that I had arthritis in my jaw, again another shock, And more to the point how would it affect the way that I eat and would I ever be able to eat chocolate again, I had no increase or change of medication for the issues in my jaw I have just had to put up with it and live with the issue, but at least I can still eat my chocolate.

Then came the sleep issues and After spending some time at Papworth hospital they diagnosed sleep apnoea so now I have to wear a mask every night helping me breathe as they found that I was stopping breathing numerous times throughout the night this is a horrible machine and I absolutely hate wearing it However I have managed the last three or four weeks without it as I have had a bit of a cold and that machine did not help with the cold at all but I know I will have to go back to wearing a machine any day now and I'm really not looking forward to it.

I thought my issues Had come to ahead and the ones I had was it and I would have to live with the main issues for the rest of my life but no, it continues and I started getting pains in my shoulders and I started to notice that I couldn't lift my left arm above the shoulder and then in some cases I had to support the arm when doing various things, as time went on both shoulders became extremely painful and again I was nagged into mentioning it to the doctor when I next went I did this and after taking a large amount of blood I was Greeted with the report that both my shoulders have also got arthritis I wasn't totally surprised however it really did not reefer six and along with the other aches and pains it has not helped my depression one little bit and sometimes I sit and just wonder why I bother.

I've visited my mental nurse as I call her either once a week or every two weeks dependent on whether she has more important things to be doing and I know that sounds harsh but when she tells me why I can't see at the following week they seem really pathetic excuses but I digress, when I visit her, I come away feeling Confused and wondering what on earth I was doing sitting there for the last hour because she just says the same thing week in week out without actually get ting to the root cause of why I feel the way I do and that really does anger me to the point that I just want to scream at her but I'm too much of a gentleman to do that.

My visit to Addenbrookes starts next month which is four days a week for three weeks and hopefully within that period they will teach me how to manage the pain and just live with it so hopefully after which my doctor will then sign me back to work and then I can start looking for another job it looks as though I will not be able to go back to my previous Job as they seem to be going through a Raft of either redundancies or moving around either way that cutting back on the management teams in most of the sites so it doesn't look as though I will be able to go back even though the staff are still asking me to go back which I would dearly love to do anyway that's me for another few weeks I'll probably blog again during the visit to Addenbrooks, to let you know what's going on there.

Timely update on how things have been going

It has been some while since I posted about health, wealth and happiness, the wealth bit is easy and I can close that bit by saying I ain't wealthy, I have not been working for two years now so funds are low, happiness, this is a difficult one, I want to be happy I truly do, however becoming happy and staying there are two differing things.

With the continued pain and therefore lack of movement, I am becoming less mobile, I try to as much as I can and with the weather on the change it is easier to get out and about, not that out and about is far, I have been told I am an ideal candidate for a three week course at Addenbrooks Hospital, this covers exercise, talk, physio etc, and runs for three weeks, four days a week and six hours a day, this is in July, so something to look forward too.

Our recent holiday in Egypt was a success, until we got to the airport on our way home, I got violently ill on the plane, due to food we ate at the airport, this lasted a good week after we got back, but whilst there the heat was great for me and by the end of the week I was walking better and having less pain, within Twelve hours of coming back to cold Britain I was back to normal, at least I had a few days of feeling normal.

I am visiting my "mental nurse" frequently, not that she is mental, but she is trying to sort out my head, this will be a hard job to do, with the long lived pain, and boredom I have every day it sends me a bit low and depressed, sometimes, very, and it is more often than not, I feel she does not do anything for me, as I feel worse after each session than I did before I went in, however last week she did listen to my rants.

On our return from our holiday I had been informed of three deaths, so there was three funerals in eight days, two were ok, the third and last was my grandmother, my real dads mum, I did not really have much if anything to do with that side of the family, as they never wanted to know either me or my brother when my parents split when I was very young, when I was introduced to my father for the first time at the funeral, he just said "hello" and shifted away very quickly.

At the bun fight afterwards, I noticed that my dad was talking to my brother for some while but never not once did he mention me or even took the time to come across to talk to me, I am not too bothered by this but it has played on my mind a bit each day since, but as I never knew him anyway I have not really lost anything, but it would have been nice for him to make the effort, after all I did drive all that way and at great discomfort for me, but hey, if that's how it is, then that's fine.

As for my aches and pains, yes I know your all wondering about it they are still there, my back is just the same, however my legs and arms are getting weaker and I find standing still difficult and will wobble and stumble frequently, with the lack of exercise comes an increase in weight, which will not go away, even though I am eating far far less than I ever used too, the thyroid is still to have its first check, so once a blood test for that is taken, and a decision on whether to increase the dosage of medication I am on or not, I just have to carry on as is.

My moods around the house are getting more frequent, I try my hardest to not be grumpy as I know it is no ones fault, but it is hard, and I am finding it harder to keep cheerful, I try to keep busy and the odd day out with the mother in law helps a great deal, lack of interest from other people supposedly close to me does not help, and I get angry at some of the texts I get from them, so much so at times I just want to scream and swear, and if I am alone I do, loudly.

So there you have it, I know it has been a while but you have it all up to date and in all its glory, with a few days off next week we are going to have a couple of days away to keep my mind active and off of the usual throughs and the course at Addenbrooks in July it should be a positive few months ahead, and hopefully I may ask my dr if I can go back to work a few hours each week, fingers crossed.

More medical updates and the usual misery

It has been a while Since I last sat here and had some random thoughts about how I am feeling, and how things are going.

After my last visit to the Dr and a 20 minutes chat, (sorry to the rest of the queue), Mind you we never have less than 15 minutes, which is great, time to be able to say what you want and how you are feeling, anyway, I digress, after this visit I had my anti depressants raised again, and had more blood taken to compare against the last lot.

The last batch of blood tests showed a few issues, my thyroid was very under performing, on the boarder of type 2 diabetes, my good cholesterol is nearly non existent, and lastly my liver function, again, I have been good though I lost a couple of kilo's, and I only drink water, nothing else, well apart from milk in my cereal, so at least there was a good thing to happen after my visit.

Then, a couple of days ago i had a call from the pain clinic at Addenbrooks, it looks as though they are foisting me off onto another department, I think they have given up on me, that's what it sounded like when I asked the nurse, anyway,  this one will be more physio based with psychological as well as physical help given, it will be an intensive treatment, six hours a day, four days a week for three weeks, as long as I fit within their guidelines, which apparently I do, I just need to wait until I hear from them.

Today I went to Papworth hospital for my regular two appointment check, today I collect the monitor, to use over night, and tomorrow I go for the results, and to have my night breathing machine checked over, I am still having dreadful nights sleep, I lost count of the times I woke up last night.

I have been getting weaker in the legs and arms more and more recently, and I struggle to get up out of the chair, bed or car, I feel as though once i start to get up my legs just want to give way, it is a horrible feeling and not one I would want anyone to have, I try to do some exercise, but I get so tired and out of breath when I do anything it is horrible and I hate it so much.

Andy as usual does so much I feel useless most of the time, I try and do what I can, but it is minuscule in comparison to what he does, without him I would be totally lost, I just hope and prey that all this clears up and we can get back to some sort of normal, when that will be is anyone's guess, it has been 28 months since the pain started, so not long... (sarcasm)

thanks for reading, and sorry if I have depressed you too!

Funnies of the week #3

Regular Rant #3

2012 saw us visit Dunelm Mill for the first time, the store is is Huntingdon, Cambridgeshire, it was one of those shops that sold lots of thing at reasonable prices, in fact we shopped there a couple of times, then towards the end of last year they opened a new one in Cambridge, about 5 miles from home, brilliant, and we visited there a couple of times, especially before Christmas.

Then today, we needed a few things from town and I had ordered something from Argos, a few units down from Dunelm, we decided to pop in and get a few bits, these few bits came to over £50.00, oh dear, anyway, I digress, whilst in there we decided to have a snack for lunch, they have a "nice" coffee shop, so off we went, teh shelves were virtually bare, all they had was Cornish or cheese and onion pasties, no other sandwiches etc.   we asked and were told they had nothing else except a jacket potato, no thank you.

One was heated up, and mine was cold, I prefer mine that way, so we had two pasties two coffees and a packet of crisps, nearly £9.00, now if that was not taking the piss, especially as the coffee mugs were very thin but high to make out your getting a decent drink, over a third of it was froth, then as I started to eat, the bloody pasty was frozen, what on earth are they doing trying to poison people, or break their teeth, either way I wouldn't have been too happy.

I went back to the counter and expressed surprise that the pasties on sale were still frozen, I was surprised to to be told that they were not to be eaten cold and had to be heated up, um, since when, if this was the case why were we not told so at point of purchase, because it is not a policy, that's why, where was all the other food, there were shelves upon shelves empty.

I got the food back and it was stodgy and not really that nice, I wont mention the fact the lettuce was brown, oops, I did, anyway, who loses out, well Dunelm does, from a lack of sales in the coffee  shop, to poor customer service and what that that may lead to, not only did we have coffee that was third froth and very thin cups, so you got a couple of gulps (if your lucky), to frozen food being served up, not good.

Apologies

Please accept my apologies for sending the previous thread, I had a senior moment and press the wrong buttons, it was not to have been shared, however have a read if you want, it was from my personal blog rather than the motoring one I also produce,

Once again apologies.

Holiday booked, cant wait to get away

Well, it's that time of the year, we have booked our holiday, we booked through Thomson holidays, we are booked to go to Sharm El Sheikh, Egypt in March, so not long now to go, it is an all in hotel, so food and drink are included, if teh food is like it was teh last time we were in Egypt, then we will be ok, and wont get Delhi belly, or what ever the Egyptian version is.

The hotel is one of their Sensatori hotels so it is a little more special, we have booked a room that has, instead of a path to the pool, it has a swim up channel, like the picture below,

So all we need to do is walk out of our room, walk a couple of steps and hey presto were in the water, and a short swim takes us to the main pool, we are only going for a week, and not having a cruise this year, we are however having our usual "cheapie" break, we collected the tokens from The Sun and booked a five day trip to Scotland, where we will go and visit Concorde, the Royal Yacht Britannia and Edinburgh Castle, If we have any spare time I would not mind going to Archery Edinburgh, but I doubt I would be able to pull the bow back, but I am sure Andy would enjoy it, we will have to see if there is any spare time. 

We have also booked a few days away down south, so we can visit the Concorde at Yeovil, Catherine Hallett who I worked with in my last job works there so it will be nice to see her if she is working, it will be a surprise if nothing else, we will also visit The Haynes Motor Museum and the Motor Museum at Beaulieu, I am really looking forward to this trip.

I am not sure if we will be doing anything else this year, maybe a day out to a Theatre in London or another weekend away, but we have enough to be getting on with, at least they give me something to be looking forward to.

Funnies of the week #2

Yes, you guessed it, a new breed of animals!

They are referred to as “homo slackass-erectus” created by natural genetic downward evolution through constant spineless posturing and spasmatic upper limb gestures, which new research has shown to cause shorter legs and an inability to ambulate other than in an awkward shuffling gait.

The "drag-crotch" shape also seems to effect brain function.

Expect no eye contact or intelligent verbal communication.

Unfortunately most are highly fertile.

CAUTION RUDE JOKE BELOW

Scientific Research Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a mans’ penis is larger than the shaft. The study took two years and cost over $1.2 million. The study concluded that the reason the head of a man’s penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with more pleasure during sex. After the results were published.

France decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. They were convinced that the results of the British study was incorrect. After three years of research at a cost of in excess of $2 million, the French researchers concluded that the head of a man’s penis is larger than the shaft to provide the woman with more pleasure during sex. When the results of the French study were released, Australia decided to conduct their own study. 

The Aussies didnt really trust British or French studies. So, after nearly three hours of intensive research and a cost of right around $75.00 ( 3 cases of beer), the Aussie study was complete. They concluded that the reason the head on a man’s penis is larger than the shaft is to prevent your hand from flying off and hitting you in the forehead 

I hope you were not too offended

Too much sadness

As the days, weeks and months pass by, I see my hair growing increasing grey, the wrinkles are appearing, and my illnesses are not getting better, I try so hard each day to be positive and to carry on with a smile, but with each passing day it becomes harder and harder.

Small chinks of light occasionally appear, a day out here a lunch there, but they only highlight the level of my own mood and self esteem when I am at home, alone, this alone is where my sadness is prevalent, the many hours at home just doing, nothing, waiting for the next email to arrive, which is another spam email, I will never get that $50 million from a random African country, I don't have the $750 to send them in the first place.

I am, increasingly finding it more and more difficult to get out of bed, the pain first thing so intense, I take my pills, and end up rattling there are so many, I know they are there to help, but they have gone beyond help now, they have become a necessity, I can feel it that, if I forget to take them, my body starts to say, "oi, you idiot, you forgot your pills, and we need them now" and I can tell that needing and wanting are two differing things.

I enjoy few things, I collect, I write, I read, however, one thing I don't enjoy is breaking down at the slightest thing, it could be anything at any time  from watching a comedy to a film, to reading a book, to playing a game, no reason, it just happens, lasts a few seconds and then that's it till the next time.

As I sit here, I contemplate the things that have happened to me, from being made redundant, to being offered a job, to being attacked, finding true friendship and love (getting soppy now), I truly am in a better place now, than I have ever been in, but somehow that's not enough, I wouldn't give up my life (apart from pain) for anything now, it's the best it has ever been.

What's missing, well, work for one thing, I just want to get back to work, to do something that I can take my mind off the Dr's, hospital, pain clinics, pills and so on, unfortunately that's not going to happen, for one thing I could not guarantee that I would be able to attend when they wanted me, some days I am hardly able to wander across to the post box, let alone concentrate on a job.

It is getting time for Andy to come home, so I will close now and tidy up, been sorting some things out, I have been on the computer all day today so I will finish and have an hour or so away from this, yeah right :-)

Funnies of the week #1

Funnies of the week, I will post some funnies each week, they may be pictures, video or some jokes, or a combination off or all, well who knows, I don't  where was I, Oh yes, funnies, this week some pictures, as it is easier and I have after all only just thought of it, if you have any funnies, pics, video's or jokes you want to have posted, just sent them to me and I will post them the following week, as long as they are not too bad.

No offence is intended to anyone, it is after all meant as innocent fun, I apologise now if anyone is ever offended.

Thats it for now..... back next week with more.......

Regular Rant #2

I am sorry that there is another rant so close to the last one, but I have been sitting here, like always, and the adverts on the TV are really getting me so angry, what adverts am I getting so pissed of at, is the go compare ones with the fat git, no, is it the ones that advertise various bingo sites, noooo, is it the ones that want to buy your car at a seriously undervalued price, yes I know they do I checked, no, it those effing ones that want you to take out loans at pathetic rates.

I loath Wonga, as that witchy woman on Dragons Den says, it makes my teeth itch, I get so angry that the advertisers use kind old people to advertise loans (albeit puppets) it makes children who watch think that grandparents say it is acceptable to borrow money you don't have and then have to pay back the money at, in excess of 4,000% (4,000% is  for another loan company that advertises on TV)

4,000%, how the hell have they gotten away with it, Dick Turpin would have been embarrassed to have done that, as far as I am concerned it is legalised theft, the TV companies who have no morals or ethics are happy to take the money for showing these ad's and don't care that people are getting into debt, debt's, that at this time of the year, are higher than at any other time of the year.

With the combination of the gift adverts throughout December, i noticed (whether factual or not i cant be sure) that there seemed to be more of these so called helpful companies. helpful my arse, if you cant afford it, save up or do without, but for gods sake do not get involved with these thieves, you will end up deeper in debt and then that's when the real trouble begins.

Some people, in fact I bet nearly everyone is not aware that back in 2010 the government had the option of capping these loans, making them viable, if still higher than the banks and building societies, a least not as high as some are now, but NO, they decided not to, why, well they stated that "the payday lenders serve customers not able to be served by mainstream lenders and might discourage lenders and competition" what a load of bull.

The government should step in NOW and stop these fun/fluffy  adverts, not allow them on the television until after 10pm, make then show the APR's in large print, not tiny at the bottom of the page for one second, if I had my way they would be banned altogether.

I know there are a lot of people that would be unable to get a loan from a bank or BS, they have been blacklisted for some reason, but please, if you have no other choice, please please please read the small print, make sure you know exactly what the APR is, and how much you are paying back, find out if you get discounts if you can pay it back early, or if there are charges for doing that.

Not that I am advertising a loan, as wouldn't do that, but when you see these 4,000%+ loans you have to then look at the other end, the cheapest I found was 5.1% APR from the Clydesdale bank. this is an online personal loan, a humongous difference, but at the end of the day, I say if you cant afford it, save up. 

Regular Rant #1 UPDATED 12/01/2013 NEW UPDATE 27/01/2013

Forgive me if I offend anyone, but I was so pissed off on Sunday I felt i needed to have a rant, I am sure that I will have more over the next year or so, and will vent my frustrations here.

Anyway, back to Sunday, well the previous week to start with, Mary, my Mother-in-law had two old televisions that were not digital compatible, so they need a sky box or freeview box so they can get programmes, the TV's work fine, and are in brilliant condition, so she decided rather than throw them out, give them to charity.

 The British Heart Foundation was chosen and she called them to see if they would be interested, they were and they agreed to come and collect them on Sunday morning, they duly arrived as promised, and the collection guy refused to take them, saying that they do not take black televisions.

I'm sorry "you don't take black televisions", why in the hell not, well, apparently they prefer to have the silver one, huh, so for aesthetic reasons they wont take two perfectly good condition perfectly working televisions, so it seems that a charity business is now becoming picky in what they take.

What in the hell does it matter, I am sure there are 100's of people out there that would love to have a television, that don't care if it is black, silver, green, pink, well, maybe not pink, but you know what I mean, with so many people in this country that are below the  poverty level, cant afford the basics, and rely on the generosity of others for the necessities in life, to be given or purchase for a nominal sum a perfectly good TV is a great thing.

There is nothing on the BHF website that says they do not want black TV's, nothing at all, my M-I-L was not told anything like this when she contacted them, and to be honest every TV you buy these days is black, so what's there problem.

It seems that the BHF is picky and only want things they deem as appropriate and not what is needed by us the public that can use them, So, what does she do now, well, she is offering them free to a good home via a card in a local shop window, if then they do not go, well, they will be binned, and what an awful dreadful waste that will be.

Shame on you British Heart Foundation for being to posh for your own good and not considering those that are really in need.

UPDATE

Well, after a week of communication between the BHF and myself, I find that it is not there policy to refuse any TV that falls in there acceptability range, mainly a SCART socket, which they have, they have apologised to me and the MIL, and are going to arrange for the TV's to be collected, so a win for Joe Public, at least now someone who needs a cheap to buy TV can get a good one.

Also, the guy that post as anonymous, can you please send me a PM via Facebook, I have some info for you.

Unfortunately another poor UPDATE 

Am i surprised to writing this, no, not really, in fact I am surprised I did not write it earlier, The BHF agreed to collect the two televisions, a lady called Nicola was supposed to speak with my MIL to sort it out, but guess what nothing, last Tuesday my MIL called the BHF and after press 1 press 2 press 3 and so on, she left a message, and no one has bothered to call her back, I wont say she was upset or anything, because i think she, like me were resigned to the fact that the BHF just don't care.

How a charity, that relies on the generosity of the general public to continue the work they do, can treat a pensioner who is giving them two televisions, is beyond me, I find that this charity is one that deserves not to be supported if this is how generous donations are received, to be told that they do not refuse anything that falls within there guidelines, and then they cant be arsed to collect them.

We were going to have a good clear out  and we have lots of things that could be given to charity but I can assure you that NONE of them will be going to the British Heart Foundation, am I being harsh, god no, people of a certain age have different values to younger people, they believe in using things until they break, rather than getting new every five minutes.

My grandmother was the same, if she had something that she no longer needed she would try to give it to someone before throwing it away, because that's the way they were brought up, and for this situation to be made worse by sheer rudeness on the part of the BHF towards my MIL by ignoring her message and not bothering to follow up on there original call, Its a shame I am not running that part of the charity, because the person who is running it now, surely has no idea how to.

Goodbye 2012 Hello 2013

Well, 2012 has finished, it was not the best year I have had, but hopefully 2013 will be better, but I am not holding my breath.

As the new year came to an end, we celebrated it by sitting in bed, one reading and one playing pool on an iPad, with only a few seconds to go we sat and watched the London fireworks and then fell asleep, new years day we were supposed to go to Andy's other brothers, but through illness this was called off, shame as we were looking forward to it.

Instead, we invited Mary, Andy's mum, over for the day, we had a good day, just chilled and watched telly, how easy is that, no stress or hassle, mind you the telly was crap, but then this Christmas has not been that good for TV programmes, at least Dr Who was the highlight for me.

As each day passes i feel that my life is ebbing away, just waiting for the next Dr's visit or hospital appointment, I want to get out of this rut but it is not easy to do, unfortunately my mental state is not the best, and i am having my last mental nurse visit today, I will state that my nurse is not mental, but that's what i call it, her name is Fredericka, sometimes i fell that she does not know what she is doing, she spends most of the time talking about what we will do next time, and then next time we dont do it... grrrrr.

like I said, today is my last one with her, but apparently she is going to put me forward for a more in depth therapy, I am not sure about how I feel about that, we will have to see, I can keep having my "moments" (my term for feeling low or depressed), they have been quite heavy lately.

I know that i must do all I can to help myself, and I am actively trying, I have purchased a book, WOW, I hear you all say..LOL.. but it is a special diet book, as I know i need to lose some weight, and this, I hope, will help, or maybe a few days of novovirus will help me :-), once i can start to lose weight hopefully this will ease the pain in my hips and back, however the arthritis in my hips wont go away but it might ease a bit, as for my back, hopefully the Dr will get me some one on one physio training to help there.

One highlight of the last few days is we have decided where we would like to go on our "cheapie" holiday, we just need to get the tokens from The Sun newspaper, we have taken one of these every year for years, and always take Mary with us, this year, hopefully, we can get the holiday park in Scotland, as Andy wants to visit the Concorde, Britannia and Edinburgh castle, so fingers crossed once we get the code words we can book and get it.

Time to close now, took my pills about an hour ago and I feel very weird, head is swimming and eyes are a bit weird, anyway, chat soon....