Right where do I start, my world totally collapsed about a week ago, and i really have no idea what to do.
I shall start at the beginning, about 8 years ago I had a row with my sister, it was very nasty, on her part, you see, my mum suffers from Multiple Sclerosis, and that row centred around my sister blaming me for my mum having a bad turn some years previously.
When in real terms it was her that has caused issues for many years, well before my mum was even diagnosed with MS, both myself and my brother were dumped by our father when i was about 2 (my brother is five years older than me, and my mother remarried, had my sister, and from there she was the "golden child" and both me and my brother were pushed to the side.
This carried on for years and when we had all left home, and we bought our own places, i assumed things would get better, but alas no, my mother would visit my sister DAILY, and yet i got a visit once a month if i was very lucky, my brother less, yet both me and my bro lived with in a minutes walk from my sister, so really, there should not have been an issue for there to be a visit.
Also, there is an issue that my sister and brother are both "executors" on my mums and step dads wills and I am not, not on either, and i asked why not, and was fobbed off, again, it makes me feel like i am not part of this family, I never have felt part of this family, in fact my better half treats me far better than my own, my partners mother treats me more like a son, than i have ever been treated like one from my own mum, and for that i am very grateful.
I know this is sounding very silly, but you did have to be there and to see it first hand, my sister, and later my brother took advantage of the "Bank of Mum and Dad", I have not, not once since i have left home, but that's not to say that they have not been generous, my mum did buy my walking machine, when i needed one, but that paled into insignificance, when my brother has had at least three cars, and my sister four, as well as many other things.
I digress, over the years, my sister and I had nothing to do with each other, and until mum asked us to try and get on we did, then my sisters husband got shitty on Facebook one day, over something that was not even related to anything, so I became withdrawn further into myself and was not at all interested in trying to make amends.
Them my brothers 2nd eldest had her 18th birthday just before Christmas, and we were invited over to his for a bit of food and a game of cars etc, our usual Christmas event, but it was not the same, my mum has developed Arthritis quite badly in her joints and in one wrist quite badly, all on top of the MS, but my brother and his eldest decided it would be fun to spike both my mums and step dads drinks with very strong Vodka, they are both into their 70's and she is not that steady on her feet at the best of times.
I think my sister-in-law knew i was not that impressed, she said as much in a Facebook PM the following day, i sent my brother a PM on FB (he very rarely uses a mobile phone, so that's not applicable), asking him to give me a quick call as soon as he is free, at his convenience, I missed one call, flat battery, and then i got a second call, and from the time i said hello, he went into a wild rage.
He accused me of stirring, and being an A*rsehole, he said i had no right to speak to my step dad in the way i had, when all i did was say that he should not allow mum to get drunk to that extent, when he really does not care that much either, I said that i hated coming back home, because of it, and my brother really went off on one, without allowing me to state my case.
he got angrier and more vocal, and in the end, i had no choice but to hang up the phone, before he said something he would regret, well, since then, he has blocked me on FB, and my other half too, and quite clearly does not want anything more to do with me, well, if that's what he wants, then fine, I thought we were closer than that, but i am quite obviously wrong.
My emotions have been heading downwards since, Christmas has been a crap time, OH YES, he also had a go because my partners brother and wife and two of their kids came around for a cup of tea and mince pie, a couple of days ago, and that they had not been invited over, well, you have been here a number of times, I am not well, and have not been for years, I cant cope with a lot of people, there was just me, the better half and his mother for Christmas Dinner and Boxing day, i can just about cope with that.
My depression and anxiety is getting worse, and i prefer to be on my own, and i mean by that, just us two, I am not too happy around many people, i get very anxious and uneasy, he knows this, he knows how much pain I am in 24/7, yet that all went out of the window when he does not get his own way, or that's how it sounds, I sit here now, after a massive crying session, feeling like rubbish and wondering what i have done to deserve all this crap that constantly thrown my way.
If my brother wants nothing more to do with me, then i have to accept that, but really, close family wise, after my mum, he is all i have, my grandparents on my mothers side and step dads side are all gone, my real dad wants nothing to do with me, he even had the opportunity, and chose not too, so i am left sitting here, with a brilliant partner, and his family, but my own family seems like they don't care.
So, what do I do, what do you suggest ?
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