Wow, I never realised that so much time has passed by since I last spent a few minutes here, and with so much happening in those months, I don't know where to start.
I will try anyway, just before Christmas I had more form sent to me by the dreaded DWP, wanting to know every little detail about my and my life, pages and pages of the stuff, and as some of you will know, you have to fill it in just right or they will boot you off, without even thinking about it, so thankfully, i kept a copy of my last lot of forms I filled in, got a great letter from my Dr and from my metal health practitioner, and after spending a number of days, considering what to write, changing my mind, re-writing and changing again (all on scrap paper) i finally finished at the back end of January.
And two weeks later, I got a letter, my heart sank, i could feel the stress levels flying high and i just didn't want to open the letter, but I was wrong, they had accepted my details, and the letters from said people above, and they have signed me off for yet another two years.
In this instance, my back first became an issue in October 2010, and I carried on working until May 2011, when, after, nagging by my family and work, i went to see my Dr, I never went back to work, and that was the start of a very long and horrid time for me. Many attempts to get the medication right ended up with me being very ill, and getting allergic reactions, and now I seems to be on a set of pills (16 per day) that numb the pain, it never takes it away, which is something I would love.
The back issues have kicked off arthritis in my Jaw, shoulders and hips, that in tur means i cant sleep on my side anymore because of the pain, so I have to sleep on my back, and that has meant i stop breathing during the night, and have t have a machine to help me breathe throughout the night. Sometimes when we go away, it is not really possible to take the machine with me, or it has not worked due to space constraints, and this then makes it worse, as it causes me to get very stressed and angry, and I end up throwing something, usually a pillow.
I had a car on Motability, but the car that we had was so far removed from the car we tested, that i was unable to get on with it, I was generally in a lot of pain when sitting in it, and the fuel consumption also was an issue as it was so far away from teh manufacturers figures that again it became an issue as i am only on benefits, so paying for fuel was something that was to become a major challenge, I have since handed back the car, i have bought a 24 year old classic, it is so comfortable, and the fuel consumption is a little better, but the fact that i can sit in it for more than 15 minutes without pain is a major plus point.
I no longer visit my mental health practitioner as the NHS only offers so many sessions and then that is that, so i had two batches, and an extention, and a final one three months after my last appointment, and thats it, what do I do now, trying to get to see my Dr is becoming harder and harder, she wanted to see me every couple of weeks, and for a long time i managed this, and then she was away, and then fully booked, and it became harder and harder, they now run four weeks ahead, and she is booked out for the whole of that term, I hate not being able to talk to someone, but what choices do I have.
I also used to go out with a couple of friends from work, every 5-6 weeks, and I enjoyed it, thena coupl eof things were said, and i found out that another had removed me from there phone, and it hit me hard, i withdrew from everything, and have not spoken to them for some while, I just stay indoors most days, and only go out generally to take my repeat prescription in and colelct my pills, and to my hydrotherapy two times a week, i really enjoy that a great deal.
Other than that, and a few days away, my better half has accepted me for me, and never complains, if i have a "moment" as I call them, they just ease off and allows me to work through it, and be there should i need help, i cant ask for any more support, attention, love and help, and at times, that makes me feel worse, knowing that i am this way, and no matter what i do i cant get myself out of this low mood, which is now well into year four.
So, thats about it really, I am sure that there are loads more things that i caould have said or mentioned, but for now, this will do, and I will try my best not to leave it too long next time.....
Be good everyone
